The sigh heard around the world

Yesterday I experienced the strangest, most insulting encounter I've ever had with a patron. It began with a woman who lost three of the seven books she had checked out, all of which were very overdue. As a college library, we substitute fines for holds on academic accounts, meaning students cannot enroll or request a transcript until their library issues are resolved. I know enrollment is a frustrating time for everyone, but patrons act like we have a personal vendetta against them when we tell them we can't lift account holds until all of the offending materials have been returned or paid for.

The woman I was assisting was cheery enough, until I told her I wouldn't lift her hold "for an hour" while she enrolled. She insisted someone had done it for her before and when I told her I couldn't violate library policy, she asked to speak to my boss and thus heard the same spiel twice. If a patron has lost a book, they have two options: a) pay for the book ($50 flat fee) or, usually the cheapest route, b) replace the book. The woman sensed defeat, so she said she would be by later to pay and left in a gruff mood. She did return, with a $100 check and the third missing book in hand. I was relieved that she wasn't going to cause a scene by refusing to pay and happily filled out a receipt for her. Her check was on the counter during the transaction, partially obstructed by her arm. While I was filling out the receipt, I noticed that she was having an almost cartoonish realization when she saw that I hadn't yet taken the check. With a remarkable lack of subtlety, her eyes widened and glanced to each side as she cleverly pulled the rest of the check under her arm and towards her body, covering it completely. Was she really trying to do what I thought she was doing? I finished the receipt and asked for the check... She pretended that she already gave it to me.

- Circ. Ass.